My “pie” does not need your “cream”. *NSFW*


Like millions of us in today’s world, I consume bi-products of the internet on a daily basis. Namely, social media outlets like Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. I mostly use these in a capacity that allows me to spread the message of The Body Confidence Revolution and connect with those who themselves connect to its message. Without social media and the internet I wouldn’t have achieved some of my greatest accomplishments. I’m also, like many more millions, a user of a couple of dating websites. I like meeting new people and I feel like we should take advantage of the technological advancements that we have at our disposal nowadays. I personally have met several people through online dating websites that I never would have otherwise in ‘real life’, not that I’m trying to justify or explain my use of them to anyone. I’m not. You do you, Imma do me.


However, while some people take advantage of the online world in a positive way, using it to open their mind, meet new interesting people (via sparking up an actual conversation with them…) and keep up to date with what’s going on in the world to name but a few pass times, certain individuals take advantage of this freedom in a decidedly… distasteful way.


I’ve received a few, shall we say explicit messages during my time on both social media and dating sites. I’m sure that many fellow users would agree that it kind of comes with the territory, unfortunately. But recently, I have noticed a shocking uprising in people who lack respect for their fellow human beings. Now, I am not a prude in any sense of the word. Humans are sexual beings (for the most part). The majority of us have an urge to reproduce that mother nature has made unignorable at times. I’m one of the last people who would screw their nose up at the thought of an open conversation about sex. It’s a perfectly normal thing that everyone (again, for the most part) does. So why should it bother me? (I can think of a million reasons why the mainstream media has tried to ingrain it into our heads that it should bother me, but that’s really another conversation.) What does bother me however, is being sent unsolicited ‘sexts’ from complete strangers over the internet who see me as nothing more than a play thing. I am a sexual being. But I am more than just a sexual being. My sexuality is just a part of me and it’s not a part of me that I am about to share with anyone and everyone. Funnily enough, I have interests and ambitions and family and opinions and a life and feelings too. Meaning that, shockingly – I DON’T WANT TO SEE PICTURES OF YOUR GENITALS. Or have you send me vulgar messages that centre around my physical appearance and/or “what you would like to do to me”.

*shudder* 

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We have several huge problems which all come into play here. Firstly; the disgusting sexualisation and subsequent objectification of women in the media, which spills over into the virtual (and real!) world. This sees all genders expect women to both aspire and be proud to be (seen only as) a sexual object which, obviously, meets the misogynistic standards of what being sexy means. After being sent messages like the ones below (allow me to apologise in advance… no, really…) in the past, I have had subsequent unwarranted volatile ramblings informing me of what an “ungrateful little slut I am” to not be replying to such a humble compliment. I’m not kidding. Secondly; the often meat-market like approach many have when using online dating apps. Certain dating websites are set up to be 93% based on a potential suitor’s appearance. Perpetuating  unrealistic aesthetic standards for all genders by making us seek out those who have the most ‘desirable’ physical attributes and giving us some kind of moral high ground to belittle those who don’t.


The onslaught of disgusting messages I’ve been sent recently has brought me to my wits end. I’ve had enough of it! Blocking and deleting can only do so much. If it’s not me that’s getting these messages it could be another young person who is still in the frame of mind of where crude appearance based messages are actually a compliment. It’s not OK for the next generation to only see their value in their sexiness as verified by society.


The following images are screenshots from a few different online dating websites and social media profiles that I’ve received in the last few months alone. Please be warned that some of these are ABSOLUTELY NOT safe for work. I’ve censored some which contain sexually explicit content to a degree but due to my annoyance surrounding this matter, I wanted to leave some room for embarrassment for these individuals should they ever come across this post. I’m pretty sure that soon, you’ll understand my earlier apology…


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I was particularly sick of this sh*t one day and decided to respond…


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Now, when I first published this post, I had included some censored images of, well, I’m sure you can imagine. *shudder* But after a little bit of thinking, I thought that even censored, this stuff is pretty full on and I don’t particularly want to subject anyone else to the feelings that these ‘pics’ made me feel. So, overall, I think you get the gist of what I’m talking about here. This little lady’s face sums it up perfectly:


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About Leyah Shanks

Positive body image activist and advocate for mental health.

2 comments

  1. Pingback: #NotForYourPleasure – Fighting against Rape Culture | Two cakes on a plate

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